Osaka Cherokee

I got kicked in the face at karate last night. Shit didn't knock me out. It was a hard roundhouse kick that should've took a man down. I guess I'm not an ordinary man. I just may be invincible. Yeah...invincible.

I've taken up karate. I started two months ago. It is the greatest shit I've ever done. I have absolutely no experience with it, except for the movies, so its all fresh and new and exciting. I learn something new every time. And there's nothing like having free reign to just beat the hell out of somebody. Getting beaten is great too. Makes you realize you're alive. Its the closest thing I've had to a religious experience in my life.

i switched banks to one that actually has an online banking system. i know those of you in the real world take such luxuries for granted but this country is still living in the dark ages.
so i go to the site and sign up for the shit. it says that i have to wait for a confirmation mail to start using it. well...now those of you living in the 21st century are thinking "yeah, that makes sense. the confirmation mail comes to your email. you click on the link in the mail, perhaps have a confirmation number, and then you're ready to roll." HA! silly barbarian! when i said "mail" i'm talkinng about good ol' fashioned house mail. for all i know the letter will be delivered on horseback and be written on a parchment scroll.

i'm telling you, there is nothing this country abhores more than the internet. people in burundhi and laos are using the internet with impunity and japan is still like, "i don't know. i heard about somebody in bumfuck, iowa got their credit card number stolen online. quick, shut down the whole system." once again, the main problem with the internet is that it came from gaikoku, overseas, so it can't be trusted.

I'm prowling the house naked for the rest of the night. My wife is not pleased but I'm loving it.

Wow. I haven't written in this thing in years. Forgot I had a blog until I wrote a comment in my friend's blog and my old blog name came up.

So, today is Fathers Day. Sat around all morning waiting for my wife to get ready. I do that every Sunday. I always think she'll be ready by the appointed time but she never is. I should've gone to the gym. This occurs every single Sunday. I know its half my fault cuz I should be used to it by now and just go to the gym knowing she won't be ready. But for some reason I always think, "Well, maybe this time will be different." It puts me in a bad mood every time.
Anyway...
I visited a friend's husband's cousin's art exhibit in Namba. It was pretty cool. She paints by dying with dye handmade from organic materials. On the way home we hit up Shittenoji flea market. Got five pictures for souvenirs for friends back home and a set of wooden blocks for Noki.
Now I'm just sitting here drinking beer, trying to avoid conversating with my father-in-law and waiting for my wife to finish dinner. Yes, spring rolls!

Haven't posted in a very long time. Forgot my password. Then didn't understand the thing about changing my old shit to my google account. Then had a baby. So I kind of forgot about the blog. And so on ad infinitum...

I can't believe I'm so bored I'm doing this.

The Ipod Meme. Just put your Ipod on shuffle and answer the questions with the name of the next song that comes up.

How does the world see you?
The Heart of Saturday Night- Tom Waits

Will I have a happy life?:
Damn Shame- Jolie Holland
Um...this is a little unsettling.

What do my friends really think of me?
Fire on the Mountain- Grateful Dead
"Long distance runner, what you holdin out for?
Caught in slow motion in a dash for the door"

Do people secretly lust after me?:
Fairies Wear Boots- Black Sabbath
Homos apparently like me.

How can I make myself happy?
Stupid Girl- Rolling Stones
This is definitely a reference to my wife.

What should I do with my life?
Perfect- Smashing Pumpkins
Apparently all is well.

Will I ever have children?:
2 Deep- Gang Starr
NO NO NO! One is enough.

What is some good advice for me?:
It Ain't Easy- Tupac
Sounds like advice from my dad.

How will I be remembered?:
Big River- Grateful Dead

What is my signature dancing song?:
Blue Buddha- My Life With the Thrill Kill Kult
I did like dancing to this CD back in college.

What do I think my current theme song is?:
Stealing Chaplin- May/June

What does everyone else think my current theme song is?:
My Mind is Rambling- Junior Kimbrough
Bullseye!

What song will play at my funeral?:
Conspiracy- Gang Starr
I guess I'm going out like Kennedy.

What type of men/women do you like?:
Desperation Eyes- Patrick Park

What is my day going to be like?:
Nowhere Man- The Beatles
Everyday's the same.

i got in a little altercation last night at basketball. i just forcefully told a guy to quit pushing me in the back and if he thinks he's tougher than me we can figure it out right here. of course he didn't take me up on my offer. i go off like this because i endure so much shit for the sake of being a nice guy. so after shooting some hoops by myself and cooling down for a bit i went back to squash it with him. i don't wanna have tension in the gym. but get this. he's like, "forget it. i'm going home!". going home!? going home!? what a fucking girlie ass bitch thing to do. i have never witnessed an act of pussy-ness like that in all my life. leave it up to a japanese male to show it to me.

Today I injured my hand in a very intense game of duck duck goose. Those fuckin' kids are fast. I think I can probably whoop there ass in a street fight but I'm no match when it comes to running around a small circle. I turned the corner too fast and I wiped it. Landed right on the palm of the hand that I injured in that bicycle accident. This damn thing is never gonna get better.
At least I can sit back and think, "I can't believe that I get paid for this".

Asahi beer is having this new campaign where you save up these stickers from the cans, paste 'em on a postcard, and send it in to win prizes. Once you get twelve stamps you are in the running for either an adventure vacation or tickets to Bon Jovi. For the love of god. Why do the have to make it so difficult!? You gotta choose before you send it in. Talk about the agony. Do I opt for the canoe trip in front of Mt. Fuji and forego seeing the greatest rock band of all time or do i go for bon Jovi and possibly miss a balloon ride or 4-wheeling on sand dunes?

I know one thing though. This whole contemplation time has spurred a whole lot of dancing around the house singing "Shot through the heart and you're to blame. You give love a bad naaaaaaaaaaame!" Much to poor Takami's dismay. I keep popping out from behind doors and air guitaring and singing it for her. It scares the shit outta her. Especially the time I did it with no pants or underwear on. At least I had a little percussion to go along with my air guitar on that one. Every day I wake up and think to myself, "I can't believe I'm still married." You have no idea what this woman goes through on a daily basis.


song of the day: Jon bon Jovi- "Blaze of Glory" I love this stupid fucking song.
"I don't know where I'm going
Only God knows where I've been
I'm a devil on the run
A six gun lover
A candle in the wind"

Cherokee "mr. catch me if you can" Cain

Will Smith was on Japanese TV tonight. Oh and how the Japanese are twitterpated to have such a big American star come on. Anything the man did was just off the fucking hook amazing. He could almost juggle three bean bags and the entire crowd and staff soiled their drawers. Then he figured out the intricacy of a traditional Japanese wooden puppet game that your average two year old could do with absolutely no problem and once again the entire place messed in their pants. Oh but we're not finished yet. Then three Ultramans, or is that Ultramen???, came out and Will Smith had to join them to defeat some enemy guy. And you guessed it, they had to airlift in a whole new set of undergarments for everybody.

Here's an only in Japan experience for you. I just got yelled at for ten minutes because I pulled the plug in the sink to let out the water and a chopstick got sucked down the drain. It just totally disappeared. You'd figure it'd stick out a little bit, right? Nope. That little fucker got devoured. According to my wife I am a dumbass because I didn't foresee this happening before I pulled the plug. Like i have any cultural background knowledge for this. Like I'm supposed to go, "Oh yeah, that's right. Just like the time I lost a chopstick down the sink back in fifth grade!".
i think the main question I need to be asking is what do I do with that chopsticks mate? Do I throw it away? Do I keep it around in case another chopstick accident occurs and I can use the two pairless sticks to make a new team? i doubt if its the latter. i get yelled at every time i attempt to use two chopsticks that aren't a pair (only when my wife is around though. When the bitch ain't around I use two different chopsticks on purpose. Take that bitch!!). I think its best to tread lightly on this one. I wouldn't want to infringe on yet another chopstick rule. They probably got some archaic torture for people who break too many chopstick/slipper/bath rules. I know I gotta be gettin' close to that limit by now.

Had a 3 on 3 basketball tournament today. We didn't do so well. One other guy and i both had diarrhea. It made playing all out very difficult. i told one guy, "i don't really care if we win or lose today. If i don't empty my bowels on the court I'm considering today a victory!"

Went out for Turkish food last night. I'm thinking that might be the culprit for today's stomach issues. I think it was the raki, Turkish liquor, that they gave me. It tasted a lot like ouzo or absinthe. The place ended up hooking me up with a free glass of Turkish wine, a shot of that raki, some ice cream, and some Turkish tea. I guess they really want me to come back. I'll be sure to put in on my agenda.


Song of the Day: from the new Tom Waits' 3 CD set "Little Drop of Poison"

wiped out on my bike. was hauling ass down a wide road (old 26 from Sakai to Izumi Otsu if you care) when i decided to get on the sidewalk to avoid a truck that was coming behind me. there was about a two inch lip to get up on the sidewalk and i hit it going too fast and at not enough on an angle. my tire skidded along it right into a guard rail. i went flying and i was sliding across the concrete i saw my bike doing a couple tumbles right behind me. no major injuries to report. i bloody left knee, a scraped up right foot, an abrasion on my left elbow, bruised hands, a hole in my pants and in my gloves, and a severe blow to my pride. my bike came through without a scratch. that thing is a fucking tank.
takami foresaw this happening and expressed only slight concern resolving that these things are inevitable when you're married to an idiot.

i came back from the gym yesterday and the lady that lives across the cul de sac came over and told me that there was some cat poop around the corner and that she covered it up with some dirt. i just stood there like, "....and?". i didn't know what to say. the cat poop wasn't my fault. it wasn't on my property. i had absolutely nothing to do with it. on top of that this lady has never said one fucking word to me the whole time i've lived here. i say "good morning" and "hello" to her and she just ignores me. so why in god's name did she decide to finally break the ice by talking about some poop she covered up? i guess its best not to think about it to hard.
i think she's a little nuts. takami's dad is like a third degree black belt in knife sharpening. that guy can get butter knife razor sharp with just a stone off the ground. he also has a disdain (as do the rest of takami's family) for dull knives so he periodically comes over here to sharpen our shit up. he was doing it outside and the aforementioned lady asked him to sharpen some knives up for her. being a nice guy he did. as payment she gave him a ziplock bag full of "pork". i have to use quotatoin marks cuz the substance in that bag was suspect.

Here's a little email from my boy Koji that came in and cheered up my day.


Good evening.Are you fine? I am fine.
Is the basket enjoyed? I go to a gym every week and am training. But it does not become thin.
When is a child's delivery scheduled day? Does the baby understand in the man or the woman? I expect a girl.
Is work favorable? I want to change my employment. The present work is hot. And a salary is cheap.
Doesn't it come for play to my house? You are invited pleasantly. The place in which I live is very the country.
Let's go to drink next time.

Song of the Day: Ramones- "Too Tough to Die"

i decided to try and ride my bike to one of my private student house's and then to my school today by bicycle instead of taking the train. lemme tell you something. shit was a fucking adventure. not just the fact that round trip was around 45 miles just trying to navigate around japan is in-fucking-sane. my first mistake was to consult a map. japanese people are not taught map reading in school therefore maps here are drawn up all willy nilly. they are not drawn to scale and only about half the roads are on there. to make matters worse outside major cities roads usually don't have names. a few have numbers but the number represented on the map and the one on the actual road are rarely the same. oh yeah, and they usually aren't drawn with north at the top. neither is south, or east, or west its pretty much a random shot in the dark.
i'm excellent with directions (which is amazing considering i am big jack's heir. once in kentucky whilst in a fight he was heard to yell, "how the hell can you tell which way is north!? you have no fucking idea where you are!!" to my dad once you leave the romeo/almont/dryden triangle it is impossible to determine any direction just by instint.) anyway, i digress. the maps not being drawn to scale are the biggest hinderance. you'll go from point A to point B and it'll take five minutes. so you look on the map and point C is just as far away from point B as A and B were. therefore you'd expect that the same five minutes would elapse between B and C. noooooooo! there you are using the "L" word, LOGIC! that word has no place in this country! anybody trying to bring logic into japan has it confiscated at the airport. B and C might be eight times as far away. there's just no way to tell. whoooopeee! its like an unintended trip to the mystery spot!
and all this on top of all the typical hazards or riding in japan: weaving old ladies, slow riding high schoolers, cars flying around with drivers not paying a lick of attention, shop keepers and their hoses cleaning the FUCKING sidewalk, large debri littering the sidewalk, etc.

song of the day: waylong jennings- "there ain't no god in mexico"