Osaka Cherokee

I was late for work today because somebody decided to kill themselves by stepping in front of a train on the same line I use. This happens at least once a month. Why are Japanese so weak? Why do they have to kill themselves by stepping in front of a train? This country has an excellent history of honorable suicide, its called seppuku or harakiri. Its ritual disembowelment. Its the way my main man Yukio Mishima and countless samurai went out. If you're gonna off yourself that's the way to do it. Like Hunter S. Thompson said, "Anything worth doing is worth doing right!"

I'm gonna start the Cherokee Anti-Train Suicide Hotline. This is how it'll work. People call up and say that they are sick of living and shit and that they're are gonna off themselves by stepping in front of a train. I tell them to calm down and give me their address so I can come over and comfort them. Then I go over to their house and beat the piss out of them. "That's what you get for even thinking about doing something dumb like that! You dumb motherfucker!"

Its not like anybody has it hard here anyway. At least not hard enough that they need to kill themselves. Japanese people have it so easy. I've never seen a person and said to myself, "now that guy's got it bad." Even the homeless people here are living well. That's why people here are so fucking weak. Japan needs to institute a program where all sixth graders have to go and live in Uganda or Cambodia or downtown Detroit for a year and see what shit is really like. The whole time somebody with a bullhorn will yell shit in their face like, "Look at these people. They work from dawn til dusk in a fucking field. They only eat rice and bugs. Wanna know how many of them committed suicide last year? Not a fucking one! So if you think about doing it you're a weak piece of shit! Now drop and give me fifty real ones!!"

Man, they really need to put me in charge of shit. I have a lot of good ideas.


Song of the Day: Black Sabbath- Killing Yourself to Live