Osaka Cherokee

Just some funny anti-Japanese art drawn by Korean kids. Why can't these East Asian countries just get along?





Song of the Day: Ordinary Boys- "Talk Talk Talk"

I just heard a great Japanese superstition. They tell little boys that if you pee on worms your penis will swell up. The reason is to keep the little brats from peeing outside. Now think about this for a minute. In a penile deficient country like Japan wouldn't the prospect of your member getting bigger actually encourage you to pee outside?

Went to the Roberta flack concert on Saturday. If you don't know who that is she's the "Killing Me Softly" lady. No not that one, that's Lauren Hill, she covered Roberta's original from the 70's. This isn't a concert I would normally attend but my wife loves the woman and unfortunately for me Ms. Flack decided to come to Japan around our anniversary so I got talked into going. It wasn't that bad. Our seats were conveniently right next to the bar and they conveniently had Asahi Black on tap so I conveniently got drunk. I think it was after about the sixth glass that I started screaming "Play some Black Sabbath!!". Maybe she didn't hear me, or maybe she doesn't know any Sabbath, but my requests went unheeded. This doesn't put her high up on my list. I pretty much judge a band by their ability to play whatever song I scream out at the moment. Ok ok, I didn't really yell that. But I wanted to. Stupid inhibitions!!
I talked to one of Roberta's roadies after the show and asked if we could meet the lady. He said she had already gone back to the hotel but that she had another show that night and we could probably catch her in the lobby on her way back to the club. I shouldn't have translated this to my wife because we spent the next hour sitting in the Hilton lobby waiting for Roberta to come out. My wife was like a kid in the back seat on a vacation. "Do you think she'll come out soon? Do you think we'll see her? Do you think she'll talk to us? Cherokee? Cherokee? Are you listening?"
She finally came out and we got to talk to her. My wife was going fucking nuts. I didn't know she could speak that much English. The coolest thing Ms. Flack said was after I told her I was from near Detroit that she was "really rooting for the Pistons". That makes her cool in my book. The rest of the night my wife kept smelling her hand going, "It smells like Roberta flack."

Song of the Day: Roberta Flack- "Oasis"

I was late for work today because somebody decided to kill themselves by stepping in front of a train on the same line I use. This happens at least once a month. Why are Japanese so weak? Why do they have to kill themselves by stepping in front of a train? This country has an excellent history of honorable suicide, its called seppuku or harakiri. Its ritual disembowelment. Its the way my main man Yukio Mishima and countless samurai went out. If you're gonna off yourself that's the way to do it. Like Hunter S. Thompson said, "Anything worth doing is worth doing right!"

I'm gonna start the Cherokee Anti-Train Suicide Hotline. This is how it'll work. People call up and say that they are sick of living and shit and that they're are gonna off themselves by stepping in front of a train. I tell them to calm down and give me their address so I can come over and comfort them. Then I go over to their house and beat the piss out of them. "That's what you get for even thinking about doing something dumb like that! You dumb motherfucker!"

Its not like anybody has it hard here anyway. At least not hard enough that they need to kill themselves. Japanese people have it so easy. I've never seen a person and said to myself, "now that guy's got it bad." Even the homeless people here are living well. That's why people here are so fucking weak. Japan needs to institute a program where all sixth graders have to go and live in Uganda or Cambodia or downtown Detroit for a year and see what shit is really like. The whole time somebody with a bullhorn will yell shit in their face like, "Look at these people. They work from dawn til dusk in a fucking field. They only eat rice and bugs. Wanna know how many of them committed suicide last year? Not a fucking one! So if you think about doing it you're a weak piece of shit! Now drop and give me fifty real ones!!"

Man, they really need to put me in charge of shit. I have a lot of good ideas.


Song of the Day: Black Sabbath- Killing Yourself to Live

Today is my one year wedding anniversary. Well...Today is the day we turned in our wedding paper thing to city hall. The actual ceremony wasn't for another month but as far as the Japanese government is concerned today is our wedding anniversary.

Being married is cool. Its not horrible like everybody said it would be. My life hasn't changed much since I got married. I'd say about the only thing different is I watch my money a little more closely but that's no big deal. That's enough to pay for having somebody to do half the house work and cleaning. The main thing I'm proud of is that I haven't gotten fat or lazy since getting married. And I still do stupid shit.

Song of the Day: Tom Waits- "Better Off Without a Wife"

As soon as you walk in any Japanese school there are little cubby hole things for kids to take off their outside shoes and change into their indoor shoes. Whatever, its Japan, right? So this morning when we all came in I notice that all my kids are huddled around the shoe thing. I go over there and there's a yellow and black butterfly hanging out in one of the holes. I caught it and let it go outside. The kids were all amazed but nowhere near as spastic as the teachers were. The way they carried on you'd think I'd touched a rabid dog that had just rolled in its own feces. They were like, "you gotta hurry up and wash your hands because of the germs!" Germs?! What the fuck!? Its a butterfly. Butterflies don't have germs.
This is just another example of everybody here being absolutely afraid of anything natural or living. Too much concrete in this place. The Japanese do their best to control, conform, and homogenize nature into nice little theme parks where they can visit on the weekends.

Song of the Day: White Stripes- My Doorbell

My wife got molested by some kid the other night. She was at work and she went outside to the vending machine to get a pop or what not and when she was walking back some junior high kid roared up on his bike and grabbed her right tit! She chased after him but couldn't get him. She was screaming for people to snag the little fucker but nobody came to help but some old lady. That's such typical Japan bullshit. That's why there's a huge problem with this kind of shit here. People that do this are called "chikan". Most of them fondle women on the train. Its gotten so bad that now there are "women only" train cars. Can you imagine if this shit happened in America? Some guy would beat the fuck outta some scum bag if he caught him fondled girls on the train. But not here. All I know is if I ever catch the fucker its gonna be go time!! They're gonna have to pry me off him with the jaws of life cuz nobody touches those titties but me...and any hot girl that wants to.

Song of the Day: Lou Reed and John Cale- "Faces and Names"