Osaka Cherokee

I saw an old lady's camel toe at the gym last night. I saw it very very up close. Not like my nose was in it but I was defnitely within spitting distance. I was doing crunches and I sat up and she was wearing spandex and doing this back stretch thing they have. Its shaped like a rainbow and you lay across it thus stretching your back out. Anyway her aforementioned camel toe was looking me right in the eye. This shit has been haunting me since I saw it. It is by far the most horrible thing I've ever seen.
You know they really should have rules about shit like this in the gym. No wearing spandex if you are disgusting. Its a very simple rule.

Song of the Day: May/June- Smith

I saw a real bonified police chase yesterday. I was riding my bike and a white van went flying by me followed by a police car in hot pursuit. The Japanese police, god bless 'em, have to be the absolute worst police force on the planet. The van made a quick right and the police car just kept going straight. It wasn't like a Dukes of Hazard getaway move either. The guy just made a right. After going about a hundred feet the cops slammed on the brakes and stood there for at least ten seconds. I can just imagine the conversation.
cop A- "Um...I think he made a right back there."
cop B- "Yeah, I saw that."
cop A- "Did we learn anything like that back in the academy?"
cop B- "Maybe. I don't wanna make a decision on this though. Let's call the chief."
cop A- "Hey chief. What do we do if a guy we're chasing doesn't continue going straight?"
chief- "Oh my god. I'm not sure. Lemme check the manual. It says here you should continue following him."
cop B- "Interesting. Hit it!"
Poor cops though. Its gotta be hard staying on top of things in a country with so little crime. Another thing that makes things difficult is everybody looks the same. "We are in pursuit of a Asian male, 5 foot 8, brown eyes, black hair, and he appears to be a smoker." Shit, they'd have to arrest the whole damn country and make 'em line up. A car chase has the same problem because 90% of cars here are white mini vans with faggy stuffed animals on the dash and at least one or two blinking blue lights somewhere on the car.

Of course in this situation I'm always super nervous. You know the cops just wanna come back and club my ass and throw me in the back seat and take me in. That's an open and shut case here. A foreigner on trial. Shit, you're dead where you stand.
This actually happened the other day. I was at my friends house and there was a "domestic dispute" going on in the place next to us. Some guy was yelling at his wife who had locked him out of the house. So somebody called the cops. When that fucker showed up all he saw was me and he made a move toward me. I was like, "Cut the bullshit. It ain't me. You can hear that guy back there yelling." He walked past me but kept his eye on me the entire time.

song of the day: NWA- Fuck the Police

I'm back at the good gym again. Its so nice to work out at a place better than the local shit hole i used to go to. Its also nice that it has girls there. Tons and tons of hot young Japanese girls. Goddamn! i can't even concentrate half the time. But that's not important. That's not what i brought you all in her to talk about.
i think I've brought this up before but I'm not sure. If i have, I'm sorry. i just have to get it off my chest. The same dumbass that puts 400 pounds on the bench press (smith machine) and then sets it on the highest hook and then lifts it one millimeter and then puts it back and then struts around like he's Hercules is still fucking there. And he's still doing that shit. And all the fucking Japanese guys keep thinking he's fucking awesome. That's the fucking problem with this place. Its isn't the fucking dumbass that "lifts" the weights. Its all the fucking morons who are always like, "damn man, you're fucking strong!" that are the problem. I am waiting for the day where that fucker misses that hook and all 400 pounds come crashing down on his chest. That, my friends, will be one of the greatest days of my life.

I saw the aforementioned dumbass in the city the other day. He was walking through the station with some call girl and he sees me and he brags to the girl that he knows me and shit. Fuck that! I've never said one word to that asshole and now he's using me to impress some chick he rented for the night. I think somebody needs a 45 lb. dumbell upside his head!

Song of the Day: Bon Jovi- Blaze of Glory
Because that's what was playing in the gym today as I was walking out.

I keep getting these weird emails directed at somebody named Sue. They are mails from some chick who calls herself the Crochet Guru. The shit is beyond bizarre. I've seen people take a spiritual stance on some crazy shit but never about crochet. Here's how one of them began.


Hi Sue,

So how do you find a crochet guru? Want to find one? Is it difficult?

Believe it or not, there's nothing to it. I can tell you some simple Underground techniques that'll 'help' you get a crochet master in no time.


Whoa! Underground crochet techniques! Is there some rogue group of crochet-ers living amongst us "normal people"? Hiding out in abandoned warehouses having wild crochet orgies to help get in touch with their inner crochet spirit! Fuck, sign me up!

I can't tell if these mails are spam or just misdirected mails. None of them are the same so I'm thinking they might not be. But they do include some links to crochet sites and whatnot so maybe they are. This is my new bizarre hangup. I gotta get to the bottom of this. I'm gonna wait these mails out a little longer before I attempt communication with these people. Its better to remain optimistically cautious at a time like this.

Song of the Day: Devendra Banhart- Tit Smoking in the Temple of Artisan Mimicry