Sunday, February 26, 2006
Cops and Lobbers
I saw a real bonified police chase yesterday. I was riding my bike and a white van went flying by me followed by a police car in hot pursuit. The Japanese police, god bless 'em, have to be the absolute worst police force on the planet. The van made a quick right and the police car just kept going straight. It wasn't like a Dukes of Hazard getaway move either. The guy just made a right. After going about a hundred feet the cops slammed on the brakes and stood there for at least ten seconds. I can just imagine the conversation.
cop A- "Um...I think he made a right back there."
cop B- "Yeah, I saw that."
cop A- "Did we learn anything like that back in the academy?"
cop B- "Maybe. I don't wanna make a decision on this though. Let's call the chief."
cop A- "Hey chief. What do we do if a guy we're chasing doesn't continue going straight?"
chief- "Oh my god. I'm not sure. Lemme check the manual. It says here you should continue following him."
cop B- "Interesting. Hit it!"
Poor cops though. Its gotta be hard staying on top of things in a country with so little crime. Another thing that makes things difficult is everybody looks the same. "We are in pursuit of a Asian male, 5 foot 8, brown eyes, black hair, and he appears to be a smoker." Shit, they'd have to arrest the whole damn country and make 'em line up. A car chase has the same problem because 90% of cars here are white mini vans with faggy stuffed animals on the dash and at least one or two blinking blue lights somewhere on the car.
Of course in this situation I'm always super nervous. You know the cops just wanna come back and club my ass and throw me in the back seat and take me in. That's an open and shut case here. A foreigner on trial. Shit, you're dead where you stand.
This actually happened the other day. I was at my friends house and there was a "domestic dispute" going on in the place next to us. Some guy was yelling at his wife who had locked him out of the house. So somebody called the cops. When that fucker showed up all he saw was me and he made a move toward me. I was like, "Cut the bullshit. It ain't me. You can hear that guy back there yelling." He walked past me but kept his eye on me the entire time.
song of the day: NWA- Fuck the Police
cop A- "Um...I think he made a right back there."
cop B- "Yeah, I saw that."
cop A- "Did we learn anything like that back in the academy?"
cop B- "Maybe. I don't wanna make a decision on this though. Let's call the chief."
cop A- "Hey chief. What do we do if a guy we're chasing doesn't continue going straight?"
chief- "Oh my god. I'm not sure. Lemme check the manual. It says here you should continue following him."
cop B- "Interesting. Hit it!"
Poor cops though. Its gotta be hard staying on top of things in a country with so little crime. Another thing that makes things difficult is everybody looks the same. "We are in pursuit of a Asian male, 5 foot 8, brown eyes, black hair, and he appears to be a smoker." Shit, they'd have to arrest the whole damn country and make 'em line up. A car chase has the same problem because 90% of cars here are white mini vans with faggy stuffed animals on the dash and at least one or two blinking blue lights somewhere on the car.
Of course in this situation I'm always super nervous. You know the cops just wanna come back and club my ass and throw me in the back seat and take me in. That's an open and shut case here. A foreigner on trial. Shit, you're dead where you stand.
This actually happened the other day. I was at my friends house and there was a "domestic dispute" going on in the place next to us. Some guy was yelling at his wife who had locked him out of the house. So somebody called the cops. When that fucker showed up all he saw was me and he made a move toward me. I was like, "Cut the bullshit. It ain't me. You can hear that guy back there yelling." He walked past me but kept his eye on me the entire time.
song of the day: NWA- Fuck the Police
# posted by Unknown : 1:01 PM
