Tuesday, March 28, 2006
Public Transportation is for Losers and Old Ladies
This message goes out to the old lady that was hitting me in the back of the knees with her bag and sucking her teeth in desperation to get off the train before the doors opened.
Listen lady. The fucking doors will open in a second. What the fuck do you think we're all lining up here for? This is the south Osaka line and we're pulling into the southern most part of Osaka. The train has nowhere else to go but back. Look ahead! You see that? That's the men's room and a udon shop. They don't just put those anywhere along the line. Those only come up when the train has met its final stop. Putting such things at other junctions would result in dead male pissers and udon eaters. I understand that the train and stopped and the doors have yet to open. I'm sure they will open in a nanosecond. Maybe in the future Japanese engineers will develop a way for the train to simultaneously stop and the doors open at the same time. But for the time being those engineers are working on updating the animation screens on your rice cooker and developing cigarettes to better titillate your t-zone! (while their American counterparts are developing new bunker buster bombs and the triple stuff oreo cookie.) All of us on this train are getting off here. Well, I can't vouch for that crazy guy in the front that's been yammering to himself since he got on, but I can guarantee that the rest of us disembark here. (just as a side note the crazy guy did get off there too) so please just relax one tenth of a second more and everything will be ok. I'm sure your old ass has a very important function to attend. lemme guess. There's a green tea sale over near Shittenoji temple? No? Oh yeah, that ten dollar hand bag sale thing they have up in the station! Bingo!!
Other than that. Let's see. I am drunk. It is Tuesday. I'm telling you. Jim Morrison said it, and it has become my life motto, "I get drunk so I can talk to assholes!". I wouldn't even drink if I could hold a normal conversation with the dumbasses in this world. Today I ran into this guy who was saying that I need to think about the long term such in such in my life. I'm just like, "Beer please. This is gonna be a long night!" It all ended with him saying that he has this fat niece that lives near me that I really need to become friends with her. At that point I was like, "Check please" and I was out the door. Sorry fucker, your fat niece is gonna have to ramble on without this guy cuz I'm outta here.
Listen lady. The fucking doors will open in a second. What the fuck do you think we're all lining up here for? This is the south Osaka line and we're pulling into the southern most part of Osaka. The train has nowhere else to go but back. Look ahead! You see that? That's the men's room and a udon shop. They don't just put those anywhere along the line. Those only come up when the train has met its final stop. Putting such things at other junctions would result in dead male pissers and udon eaters. I understand that the train and stopped and the doors have yet to open. I'm sure they will open in a nanosecond. Maybe in the future Japanese engineers will develop a way for the train to simultaneously stop and the doors open at the same time. But for the time being those engineers are working on updating the animation screens on your rice cooker and developing cigarettes to better titillate your t-zone! (while their American counterparts are developing new bunker buster bombs and the triple stuff oreo cookie.) All of us on this train are getting off here. Well, I can't vouch for that crazy guy in the front that's been yammering to himself since he got on, but I can guarantee that the rest of us disembark here. (just as a side note the crazy guy did get off there too) so please just relax one tenth of a second more and everything will be ok. I'm sure your old ass has a very important function to attend. lemme guess. There's a green tea sale over near Shittenoji temple? No? Oh yeah, that ten dollar hand bag sale thing they have up in the station! Bingo!!
Other than that. Let's see. I am drunk. It is Tuesday. I'm telling you. Jim Morrison said it, and it has become my life motto, "I get drunk so I can talk to assholes!". I wouldn't even drink if I could hold a normal conversation with the dumbasses in this world. Today I ran into this guy who was saying that I need to think about the long term such in such in my life. I'm just like, "Beer please. This is gonna be a long night!" It all ended with him saying that he has this fat niece that lives near me that I really need to become friends with her. At that point I was like, "Check please" and I was out the door. Sorry fucker, your fat niece is gonna have to ramble on without this guy cuz I'm outta here.
Song of the Day- Greg Brown- Mose Allison Played Here
# posted by Unknown : 9:44 PM
